"Your muscles have a certain memory about them. That's why we can tie are shoes or play piano without looking. But then you spend a long enough time with someone and your bodies memorize each other you know? the warmth of your back, the pace of your heart beat, the way you tickle your eyelashes, the way your fingers would curl up in sequence when i used to play with your palm. Another person is like moving to a new country where you don't know the language. It's a scary thing. You know people are always going on about, you'll find someone else, there's plenty more fish in the sea, well you know what, i feel like a freaking fish in a bucket.... 'cuz you know what...im not doing well life is actually pretty...shit...look at me ive gone this whole page without using the L word once so far...but looking at it objectively, realistically i'd say that i still love you...and im kind of afraid that i won't ever really stop"
Dear World,
i've had a pretty decent boring day today. woke up for volleyball practice in the a.m. and we had to run a mile first thing......i came in first...yay! i put all my anger from nick...and everything else...into my running...i felt like i had to escape...i was running away from the past. i ran my heart out...i pushed myself so hard because i felt like if i stopped to take a breather or anything....nick would win...my dad would win....i would loose....anyways i almost puked...i dry heaved twice haha but idc it was totally worth it....i feel so good about myself....i haven't felt this way in a long time...i don't even know how long its been since this feeling was here....that's how long it's been.
i'm trying this new thing where i put myself first...i don't want to get hurt...so yeah im gonna have a wall up...and it won't be coming down easily...im tired of having my heart ripped out of my chest...i hope ill have that one guy one day where he will save me....from this not so normal world. someone i can depend on...i need a super hero.
-Sierra
No comments:
Post a Comment