"what would it take for things to be quiet? quiet, like the snow. and i know this isn't much, but i know, i could, i could be better. i don't think i deserve it. selflessness. find your way into my heart. all stars could be brighter. all hearts could be warmer."
Dear world,
Why is it that when things finally get better or even a tad bit better it ends up ten times worst than it originally was in the first place. like what do i have to do to actually get something good to last. i mean yeah i guess i blame myself for all the things ive missed out on....and ruined....it has always been my fault....i don't try to ruin things...it just sort of happens. and im not gonna lie i wish i could punch myself for what i do to ruin everything. i do it without even trying...thats how skilled in the art of ruining things, i am. its like a freakin hobby for me. ugh. a bad bad habit...that i want to get rid of! seriously!
today has been a really really truly terrible day for me. you don't even care, most likely so just stop reading now because all im going to do is rant about how terrible my life is..yada yada yada ya... well i got to school super early! yuck! i thought the traffic was going to be terrible like it was tuesday but noooo it wasn't :O so i got to school at like 8:16...school doesn't even start till like 8:35ish. idk. all i know is that i was early. then i went to my first class..downstairs for forensics....btw im the only non senior in that class....holy awkwardness. i don't know like anybody but maybe one person because they live near me...but that's it. so it sucks and i hate it. and then my second period class is english....its actually pretty decent...boring..but decent. then i go back downstairs again for chemistry...and that class is fun haha we laugh alot so it keeps me in a decent mood....then i go back upstairs for history...i wish i could switch out...it's soooo awkward sitting next to a person that doesn't even acknowledge your their (well chooses to not acknowledge you anyway)...because i mean i guess we "talked" over summer...but idk. oh well. then i have freaking lunch..so history is split....okay i hate having lunch at like 12:45 or whatever...my stomach is already growling in 2nd period...its hard to last allllll that time. anyways for lunch.....there is NOONE. only freshman. seriously? you have got to be kidding me. this is already sucking alot....why not make it suck even more by having all freshman in my lunch....theres like nobody i know...i sit with like 3 people...lol i'm such a loner. i need friends. anyways i go back to history...still being ignored and ish and it starts to piss me the poop off...so i bolt out of the classroom trying to catch up with the ignorer but their long gone downstairs...what the poop? anyways then i go to tv video production 1 (even though i took it last year!!! the school had nothing else to give me and didn't want to give me early out...those bastards). so i just sit there and im like the teacher's assistant...it sucks! but after that class is over i like run to my car....my escape from hell. and then i have to drive out of hell into another hell...the other side of the school hahaha but its more like heaven.....kinda because i have no classes over there and the gym and soccer field is over there. ha. but i go to the gym and you know get ready for volleyball and all and i am doing great and then it's like 6 and practice doesn't get out till 6:30 and i was just like getting super duper annoyed at everything. i was tired. every muscle in my body hurt. i jammed my finger. and all i could think about was my ignorer and how they just make it look easy to not acknowledge me. trust me. it pisses you off. where you just want to throw your pencil at them...i contemplated it twice...don't judge me. haha i also wrote two notes...but i didn't have the balls to give it to them...oh well. anyways i made a really terrible play at practice and i couldn't take it....i couldn't get over it...i had so much on my mind and i was so pissed i had to walk it off...so of course my coach yelled at me....and louded me out..i deserved it..i shouldn't let frustrations get to me on the court...im better than that. but now im pissed cause i know...my playing time is at a zero for the way i acted today...which doesn't make me happy at all. more sad and pissed off at myself. jeesh i piss alot of people off....great way to start a new school year! bnr.
-Sierra Taylor
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